


Memories

by LacieFuyu



Series: Happy Life (It really was) [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I guess my sad metre just different, M/M, Please prepare tissues, Sad but I guess not as much, Sweet yet bitter, happy death, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 18:13:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10836675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LacieFuyu/pseuds/LacieFuyu
Summary: Happy Life's SequelYou are such a sweet darling, Alexander""Well, I am your sweet darling Mags"....."Alexander", Magnus whispered. "I'm back."





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!!
> 
> This is Happy Life's Sequel as I promised ^__^
> 
> Full blame on Kimmy for the Idea
> 
> Betaed by Guardian_Rose! Check her fics when you have time :)

Magnus had just finished a potion he made for client. He meant to tell Alec that he wanted to order some take-out and make Alec choose between dim sum or pizza but the scene he found stunned him.

  
  
It warmed his heart so much, to the point he smiled ear-to-ear until it quite hurt.

  
  
Alec cradled Max in his arms and was singing him a lullaby. Alec's expression was so soft and gentle. The smile graced his face as he finished singing the lullaby while looking down at the sleeping Max.

  
  
Magnus immediately took his camera with magic and captured that perfect moment. The sound of the shutter made Alec turn to face him. Alec blinked and looked at him in confusion. Magnus only greeted him with his smile of happiness.

  
  
"What were you doing?"

  
  
"Taking a photo of my darling husband and our son of course"

  
  
Magnus winked at Alec which made Alec's face turn red. Magnus giggled.

  
  
It was the start of Magnus' habit of taking Alec's photo. Whether he was alone or together with their sons. 

  
  
It usually was candid. Alec was camera shy. He usually avoided any chance to get in a photo. That's why there were hardly any photos of him. Magnus learnt to be a sneaky photographer because of it. It was fun.

  
  
Alec had stern looks on his face most of time but there were times he would look so tender and soft. It usually involved his siblings and their children. 

  
  
Magnus loved every single photo he took. Alec always looked genuinely happy. His expression said it all. He laughed over some jokes his siblings said. He laughed because of their children’s antics. 

  
  
Beside it, there were also many photos of funny moments. Some of the photos were such blackmail material. Sometime he showed it to their children which made Alec give him stink eyes. He would only laugh in response.

  
  
That habit was for fun at first because he loved his candid expression he made but after he came to the realization of how limited their time together was. It became more than that.

  
  
It became something important to him to get moments like that. If he would lose him, he wanted to remember all the moments precisely.

  
  
This change in his mindset didn’t go unnoticed by his husband. He only gave him questioning looks that usually Magnus responded to with shrugs and avoid him for the rest of the day. Magnus chose to sleep earlier when this happened. They would pretend nothing had happened and carry on.

  
  
Alec was stubborn. Magnus knew this but he forgot sometimes. He should have known better that one day Alec would succeed.

  
  
Alec was waiting for him when he already called that he would be home late. He waited for him with a smile on his face and led them to their favorite love seat on the balcony.

  
  
Alec made him sit on his lap and pulled him to his embrace. He didn't say anything Magnus didn’t either.

  
  
Magnus settled his head in the crook of Alec's neck. He drowned himself in Alec's smell. It always gave him the sense of peace he needed.

  
  
"Mags," Alec started "You know I am camera shy but you will sneakily take my photo at any chance you get. I’m usually annoyed but you always looked so happy after you did it so I never complained. Just.... Lately when you did it, you don’t look as happy as usual.... There was hint of sorrow there...."

  
  
Magnus could feel his body tense. Alec massaged his nape to make him less tense.

  
  
"Magnus, Magnus.... It's fine... Relax..."

  
  
He forced himself to relax and buried his face in his neck. Alec kept massaging his nape.

  
  
"That sorrow....." Alec continued "Related to your fear of losing me...?"

  
  
Magnus didn't answer him and Alec took his silence as a yes. 

  
  
"I am still here.... And still for a long time. I promise."

  
  
Magnus closed his eyes. He knew more than anything that Alec would be there until the end. He knew that. It just wouldn't lessen the fears he had. 

  
  
He could never handle losing someone.

  
  
"If.... I were dead and you had photos of me around, Would it help lessen your pain?"

  
  
Magnus couldn't help but chuckle. There was no humor in it. It was an irony. 

  
  
His memories of Alec might hurt him. He knew that but he also would cherish it.

  
  
And he didn't want to forget Alec. 

  
  
Alec wasn't just a fling for him. He was more than that.

  
  
Magnus had already fallen so deep, to the point of no return and he knew he would never love someone as much as he loved Alec.

  
  
He didn't want to forget him.

  
  
_ Not ever. _

_  
_   
"You can take my photo without being sneaky anymore, Mags"

  
  
Magnus opened his eyes and looked up. Surprise painted in his eyes. Alec looked at him.

  
  
"I will try my best to not avoid it on reflex" Alec grinned "So prepare your photography skills to be attacked by me all the time"

  
  
Magnus was stunned. There were no words coming out his mouth. Instead he looked at Alec with a question in his eyes and Alec answered it without Magnus asking it out aloud. 

  
  
"I want you to have happy memories that you can remember when it becomes hard for you...... And I want you find joy again when you take pictures of me, just like you used too because smiles are more fitting on your face, Mags"

  
  
Magnus looked at his husband. Alec smiled so softly and looked at him, full of love and adoration. 

  
  
Magnus could feel the tears that burned behind his eyes. His hand touched his husband's cheek. He rubbed his cheek slowly. He pulled Alec's face to his and kissed him.

  
  
It was tender and full of love. There was no heat behind it.

  
  
After the kiss, they let their foreheads meet each other. They basked themselves in each other's presence.

  
  
"You are such a sweet darling, Alexander"

  
  
"Well, I am your sweet darling Mags"

  
  
Magnus chuckles.

  
  
After that night, Alec really did what he said. Every time he took photos of him alone or their family, Alec didn't avoid it or look annoyed. He even smiled at the camera. Magnus couldn't help but feel happy. It was awkward at first but slowly he became more relaxed. People gave Alec questioning looks but he just ignored them and they eventually just accepted it.

  
  
He loved Alec so much.

  
  
It was still hard for Magnus to ignore his fears but Alec was always there for Magnus when his fears slowly took over.

  
  
_ For now, that was enough _ .

  
  
XXXX

  
  
Magnus stared at his bookshelves or his bookshelves for photo albums. He had been avoiding this particular thing for a few years especially after Alec's death. He didn't know how to handle it. He had photos of Alec in his phone and some of them framed in their room but it was still barely fine sometimes. As years passed it became better but sometimes there was a dull ache in his chest.

  
  
All of the photos inside those albums were special for him. He took it since that time he found Alec cradling Max on his arms. It evolved from his sneaky ways to take his photo to Alec actually smiling at the camera when he took his photos.

  
  
He printed each of them and sorted them into albums. Each album had the year labeled on it and each year had more than one album. 

  
  
His hand found its way to the first album and pulled it from the bookshelves. 

  
  
He sat on the floor and crossed his legs. He put down his album and started to look through it.

  
  
The first photo he saw was the one that Alec cradled Max in. Magnus smiled fondly and traced it softly. It had been a very long time since then. He missed those times but Max turned into a very good person and he was proud of what Max had become.

  
  
He looked through the album again and found many funny moments he had succeeded to capture with his camera.

  
  
All of the pranks Joshua did on Alec were really funny to see especially because Alec had that unamused look on his face every time it happened and he would just turned his head and glare at Magnus.

  
  
Magnus usually would hide his laugh with his free hand but Alec's glare usually ended up making him lose his composure and laugh out loud. He would use his magic and clean all the trace of the prank from Alec.

  
  
Alec usually would be annoyed and attack him with hug and tickles. Meanwhile Clary made sure Joshua wouldn't go off on his own and bother the husbands again.

  
  
Magnus couldn't help but chuckle. It was a really fun time. He always enjoyed it greatly.

  
  
He also found the one where Rafael and Max attacked Alec with a hug that earned them Alec's grin. He grinned ear-to-ear. Magnus wondered whether his face hurt or not since he had rarely smiled that big.

  
  
Magnus smiled. There were so many moments in his life with Alec. There was happiness, joy and sadness. What he captured mostly were moment of happiness. He was glad he could remember each of them precisely with all the photos he took.

  
  
He could remember exactly what Alec's smile looked like or what he looked like when he laughed or when there was a mischievous glint in his eyes or even when he cried in happiness when he held their first grandchildren.

  
  
There were so many photos he captured candidly but as he opened more albums there were many where Alec looked at the camera and posed on it. There was an awkward one where Alec looked stiff while Rafael hugged him from behind but there was also one where he put their 3 year-old granddaughter, Gabrielle, on his shoulder and grinned on camera happily.

  
  
He didn't notice how late it was already when he finally got to the last album. It was the album that was the most painful for Magnus to see.

  
  
Alec was already at his limit and his body already weak at that time. He barely could get out from his bed without help. They were painful days for Magnus because he knew he would lose him eventually.

  
  
He looked at the two last photos. One of them was the one Magnus took where Alec was surrounded by their family and the other one was where Magnus and Alec smiled to the camera together a few days before his death.

  
  
Tears fell from his eyes and touched the photo. Magnus swiped them quickly from the photo and swiped the tears that almost fell again from his eyes.

  
  
He didn't want to think too much about the day he lost Alec to death. He shook his head slowly. He was about to close the album when he noticed there was something weird attached behind the last page.

  
  
It was a key. It was a beautifully carved key that attached to a chain necklace. The key itself was amazing. It was silver colored and carved with details. There was a pair of wings that each had words. The left wing had 'Memories and the right wing had 'Love' and on the middle there was a jewel which was a similar colour of his eyes. Magnus wondered why it was attached to the back.

  
  
He pulled it out from the page and it was suddenly shining. Its light directed him to somewhere. 

  
  
Magnus stood up and followed the light. He made sure to not accidentally step any of the albums.

  
  
The light led him to a room he had never seen before. It made him wonder how come he had never noticed the room. He’d lived here for so long after all. It was definitely magic but whose?

  
  
The light from the key was gone. Magnus stared at the key. He traced it carefully with his hand and gripped it.

  
  
He focused on the residual magic left on the key and the door in front of him. It finally dawned him that it was Max's magic.

  
  
The question of why crossed in his mind but he didn't let himself linger on that thought. He opened the door with the key he held. As he opened the door his eyes widened.

  
  
It was a beautiful bedroom. In the middle there was a bed and beside it there was a bookshelf and there was another one across the room but what made him stunned was what was framed around the walls and some on the top of a table. There were photos of him, together with Alec. In his albums, he was usually always the one who took the pictures but these ones were either their family or Alec himself who had taken it. 

  
  
There was one where he was laughing from jokes Rafael said, there was also one where Gabrielle hugged both Magnus and Alec. They smiled together at the camera. He had almost forgotten that he could smile like that. It had been a long time since he had smiled like that.

  
  
He noticed that he was included in all of the family moments in the photos and that's when Magnus realized what is the point of all of them were. It was to remind him that he was there. He was included in the moments of his family because he was part of the family and always had been.

  
  
Tears were burning behind his eyes and threatening to fall but they didn't. He held them.   
  


 

Somehow he couldn't just let them fall yet.

  
  
He noticed an envelope sticking out from the bookshelf beside the bed. He walked over and pulled it out along with one of the books.

  
  
There was something written on the envelope. It was directed to him. He knew that handwriting anywhere. It was Alec's. He stroked it slowly. He missed Alec so much.

  
  
He shook his head slowly. He didn't want to linger on that feeling too much. He promised himself to not drown in the sadness.

  
  
He sat on the bed, put the book down. He pulled the letter from the envelope and start to read it.

  
  
_ Dear Husband, _

_  
_ _  
_ _ If you found this letter that means I’m no longer alive. That means you found the room that I prepared together with our sons and with help from our other family.  _

_  
_ _  
_ _ They helped me collect photos of you together with me, with us, your family. You have always been the one who captured the moments of me with our son and our family together in general. It was as if you were not considering yourself to be a part of it and I didn't like it. That's why, with their help, I collected every moment they could capture with you in it. _

_  
_ _  
_ _ You don't handle loss well, Magnus. I know it. I am afraid you will lose your real smile, no longer feel happy and only keep living for the sake of existing for people you love. _

_  
_ _  
_ _ I hoping when you found the room, you would remember. You would remember how to smile again, how to laugh freely and start to live again. It's important to me because, Magnus Bane, your happiness will always be important to me even though I’m no longer here. _

_  
_ _  
_ _ I asked Max to hide this behind the last album because I believe you will check it eventually because you are always so strong and you will finally open the album and look at it with fondness instead of sadness. _

_  
_ _  
_ _ I love you so much Magnus Bane. Please be happy even without me beside you. _

_  
_ _  
_ _ Sincerely your husband, _

_  
_ _  
_ _ Alec Lightwood. _

_  
_ _  
_ _ P.S: Please check all of the books in the bookshelf. _

_  
_   
Magnus's tears fell on the letter. He could no longer could hold them at bay. It hit him so much. Even now, he still took care of him. He couldn’t believe Alec sometimes but that part of him was one of the things that made him fall in love with Alec.

  
  
He opened the book he had put on bed and he cried as he read each page. It was like a diary yet essentially love letters. Each moment that Alec wrote about in there was their daily thing yet all of it written with adoration and love. Alec wrote that he loved how Magnus smiled when he succeeded in making a decent cake or how dealing with Jace sometimes made Magnus tease him to no end and Alec loved  how it brought happiness to Magnus.

  
  
The more he read, the more the tears fell down on each page. He had made himself numb as the years passed, he had forced himself to not feel the pain any longer, to numb it. He ignored it and forced himself to smile again even though it was hard sometimes but right now he just wanted to let it out.

  
  
So he cried.

  
  
He held both the book and the letter close to his chest and let it all out. All the loneliness from the last few years overwhelmed him.

  
  
He  _ missed _ him.

  
  
_ He missed Alec with his whole being. _

_  
_   
And he knew nothing could bring him back.

  
  
But he still missed him, his beloved husband, Alexander.

  
  
XXXX

  
  
"Alexander", Magnus whispered. "I'm back."

  
  
He stood in front of Alec's tombstone with the bouquet of flowers in his right hand. He never changed the composition of the flowers. It consisted of white lilies, forget-me-nots, red poppies and pink carnations.

  
  
It was quite a windy day but the sun still shined bright. It was chilly yet warm just like what Magnus was right now.

  
  
He put the bouquet in front of the tombstone as he sat. He smiled softly and stroke the name carved on the tombstone gently.

  
  
"Even in death, you never cease to amaze me Alexander."

  
  
Magnus could feel his throat suddenly feel dry up but he continued.

  
  
"I found it. The bedroom. I found two days ago. You were truly sweet. You thought about my feelings that far along and how badly I would deal with your loss.... You are right, I lost my real smile after your death. I forced myself to ignore the pain of losing you and forced myself to smile. I almost forgot completely, until two days ago. All the pictures reminded me, I was so happy with you beside me but now you are no longer here.

  
  
Max told me, how you were being sneaky behind my back together with others and prepared all the pictures and all of the diaries, how that was actually something you had done for a long time.

  
  
Or were they love letters, darling? Because I feel they were."

  
  
Magnus bit his cheek to try  hold down the building of emotions.

  
  
"I miss you, Alexander. Despite having already accepted the fact that you are no longer here, the longing I feel sometimes was too much, to the point I numbed it. 

  
  
I realized how foolish it was. I will cry when i feel like it because numbing it only gave me more pain. I will start to truly live again Alexander. For having faith in me that I can be strong, Thank you Alexander. I will respond to your faith splendidly."

  
  
Magnus smiled while his tears fell from his eyes. He covered his mouth to hold back the sobs, he couldn't cry. Not yet at least.

  
  
"You know Alexander, each of the flowers I bring every time I visit you have different meanings."

  
  
He touched white lily.

  
  
"White lily means death, it's often used as form of condolence."

  
  
Then he touched the forget-me-nots.

  
  
"This flower means True and Undying love. It's to show my love for you, Alexander."

  
  
He touched the next one, red poppies.

  
  
"This one means remembrance. It usually means to honor those who died in war. I put this on your tombstone as in our long happy life, we still fought against demons and anything that threatened our family. It's silly but I thought it's proper as you finally rest."

  
  
He touched the last one, pink carnations.

  
  
"This one is straight-forward on its meaning. It means 'I'll never forget you'. Yes, I will never forget you. Everything about you, the things you gave me and the things you taught me, I will never forget them."

  
  
And then, Magnus cried. He let all his feelings pour out in the form of tears in front of the tombstone. 

  
  
After awhile he stopped crying. He stood up and looked down at the tombstone. His eyes still red after crying but there was a hint of a smile on his face.  _ A real smile. _

  
  
Magnus gripped the key that he wore on the chain on his chest. He smiled.

  
  
"It still hurts my sweet angel and there will be times that I will cry for you but it's fine. The beautiful memories you left behind will be my support and help me live again. Thank you and I love you my darling husband, Alexander."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I allow anyone to scream at me here or at my twitter 
> 
> @Delveiryu18


End file.
